| Match Report |
Report by Peter Bainbridge
The bottom line is that a callow Brentwood side were trounced in their final match of the season but who cares about statistics on a day featuring noble efforts by young colts, a pair of ill-fitting trousers and an alcoholic captain?
Neither team had anything tangible to play for and Brentwood selection problems rendered a competitive contest impossible, so let's cut to the more interesting facets.
After a long and emotional seasonal, Brentwood's inspirational captain Merwyn Emmanuel had hit the wall and was intent on divesting himself of all responsibilities - he only agreed to play because of lack of numbers - so press ganged Peter Bainbridge into taking charge for the day.
In a tremendous tit-for-tat response, early in the week Bainbridge initially made himself unavailable, using a broken rib as a weak excuse. Even after backing down and deciding he could not miss Shenfield's famed teas, Bainbridge performed a tactical masterstroke to avoid his first duty, attending the toss, by producing from his kit bag a pair of his son's trousers and insisting he made the short journey home to pick up the correct pair (Mick Payne did offer his spare pair but they were at least four sizes too big and would have entailed Bainbridge bowling while holding up his waist band).
The brilliantly timed exit forced a reluctant Emmanuel into attending the toss-up where he exacted revenge by deciding to field, even though three Brentwood players were expected to arrive late from a school football fixture.
So, Bainbridge opened the bowling on the smallest ground in the league, where a forward defensive is likely to reach the boundary if finding a gap, with six outfielders, one of whom was mentally absent as he relived his glorious season of staving off relegation.
Amazingly, runs were initially hard to come by and Brentwood even briefly held the ascendancy when Payne's first delivery of the second over resulted in a strangle down the leg side from opener Saich.
Thus, it was with some reluctance that Bainbridge waved on the three delayed fielders after four overs and, sure enough, from there the day went downhill.
The Brentwood highlights included a highly impressive seven-over spell from George Taylor (what else would you expect from someone who is half-Northern? Just think how good he would be if he was a full Northerner). Despite his morning football commitments, Taylor bounded in from the top end at Courages Park, generating plenty of pace and bounce and deserved more than his solitary wicket.
With the balling being shared round the young Brentwood side, the batsmen began to make hay. In fairness, there was some ropey stuff thrown down but at least Brentwood ended on a high. After the previous six overs had produced 105 runs, Theo Bainbridge, called up at the 11th hour for his senior debut at the age of 13 years and 11 days, came on and bowled an over which yielded three runs and one wicket. The victim, caught behind down the leg side, was only the head of PE at Shenfield School - one up to St Martins, I think - which earned Theo considerably more than the promised wicket-taking fee.
In the next over, Connor Harrington took successive wickets, one caught on the boundary, one clean bowled, and was only deprived of his hat-trick because Shenfield, with the declaration imminent, had no other batsmen padded up. Two wickets more for Connor than uncle Max managed for the first team on the adjacent pitch must have been worth a tidy sum, too.
Tea, as ever at Shenfield, was fantastic and despite piling his plate higher than usual with goodies, the mentally strained Emmanuel could not hide a pint of lager from his shocked team's view. The last third XI captain to drink on match day was the great Trevor Coote and at least he would have his drink before the start rather than halfway through the game.
To prevent him drinking the bar dry, Emmanuel was asked to open. With hip flask doing the job of a thigh pad, Emmanuel eventually weaved his way to the crease, propped up by opening partner Nigel Bacon.
Amazingly, Emmanuel took strike and survived long enough to make 13 before picking the wrong ball of the three he could see coming his way and having his stumps shattered.
Bacon, needing 179 to pass his previous best haul for a season, fell just 154 runs short but at least had the pleasure of seeing one of his former bats being used to impressive effect by Mick Payne. The perennial No11 had shown enough form during his 3km open-water swim that morning to convince his captain that promotion to No6 was in order.
To whoops of joy and amazement from the gallery, Payne unleashed a series of sumptuous drives that had Bacon wondering whether he had under-priced his old blade at £20. Payne made it look a million dollars, at least.
Just for a few giddy moments, it seemed Brentwood might hang on for a draw. As the last 20 overs commenced, they were 120 for four with Payne and George Wingrove looking comfortable. Wingrove had warned that he was 'no blocker' and, true to his word, shortly after the restart he miscued a heave and was caught for 29. Payne followed soon after for 21 and the innings was wrapped up in a flurry of ducks with 10 overs to go.
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